The Mess

water droplets
by Paul <><

A common question from newlyweds is “What do you do about the mess!”

Yes, sex is messy; if it isn’t, you’re doing it wrong!

Gentlemen need to understand the mess is a bigger problem for their wife than it is for them. They get more of it, and they get drainage over time: either a dribble as they sleep or a gush when they stand-up – or both. Semen coagulates after ejaculation, and then liquefies more-or-less twenty minutes later.

Ladies should understand they contribute to the mess too. How much a woman lubricates varies from woman to woman, where she is in her cycle, how aroused she gets, how long sex lasts, and how many times she climaxes. Some women never account for even half the mess, while others will routinely produce the vast majority. There is also female ejaculation, for some women.

Here are a few ideas we’ve heard for dealing with the mess of sex. Even if you have something that works for you, one of these might work better.


A towel under her bottom, or maybe his if she is on top, will eliminate the wet spot on the bed. Keep a couple of towels handy for this so you don’t have to run to the bathroom when the mood strikes.

A condom will contain his mess, and thus reduce the mess she has to deal with. If condoms are not also being used for birth control this is unlikely to be a choice he will want, but if she has to get up and go somewhere right after sex it may be a good option.


Small towels are great for clean-up. Hand towels work but may be larger than what you need. Terry cloth washcloths or bar rags will also work – soft and absorbent. If you use something washable and you used silicon lubricants, be aware that silicone can stain some fabrics, and can be transferred in the wash.

Some women sleep with a small towel between their legs. Slipping on panties will also keep flow back off the bed.

Many couples like baby-wipes – easy to buy, convenient to store, and designed for delicate body parts.

You can also use wipes made specifically for sex clean-up. There are a number of choices, and you can get individually wrapped singles.

A tampon can prevent follow back, or it can be inserted for a short time then removed to eliminate most of the mess.

female ejaculation

Unlike the other fluids of sex, FE is very thin. This means it soaks through things quickly. A towel alone is usually not enough to protect the bed. A washable cloth and rubber bed pad can be purchased, or keep a piece of a shower curtain available to put between a towel and the mattress.

If a woman ejaculates during manual stimulation, the fluid will squirt a short distance. Be aware of this and have a towel in the fall-out zone.

A few towels for clean up are probably the least expensive choice if a woman ejaculates with any regularity.

the other mess (menstruation)

If you have sex during her period, the mess is an issue even if neither of you are bothered by it. A few ideas:

Red or maroon towels and washcloths are a great choice for both prevention and clean-up.

Some couples who avoid intercourse will have her insert a tampon, tuck the string just inside, and then have fun without penetration.

A Diva Cup can be worn during sex, and are generally not felt by either spouse. This allows for normal sex just as if she was not on her period. Some women use these cups instead of tampons or pads, others only use them just for sex.

go with it!

Don’t let “the mess” keep you from having great sex. Do what you can to contain it, do what you can to be able to clean up without leaving the bed, and learn to see it as evidence of great sex.


image credit
water droplets © Michael Gaida / Pixabay