Survey – Orgasmic Experience Before and After Marriage

103 Women and 304 men answering
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  • While only 5% of men had their first orgasm with another person, 38% of women had their first orgasm with someone else.
  • Two-thirds of men masturbated several times a week to more than daily prior to becoming sexually active. Only 16% of women were this active.
  • It may seem odd that 20% of women had masturbated to orgasm by age 10, but this is consistent with large well-done studies. Only 9% of men masturbated at such young ages. Also, this is not a “modern” thing – all age groups of women were more likely than men of the same age to have masturbated prior by the age of 10.
  • By age 14 two thirds of men, but only 38% of women had masturbated to orgasm.
  • 40% of women did not masturbate to orgasm before the age of 20. The same was true for only 4% of men.
  • 7% of women and .7% of men have never masturbated to orgasm.
  • 22% of women had an orgasm the first time they had some form of sex with their husband, and 10% had an orgasm from intercourse the first time they had intercourse with him.
  • After six months a third of women had not had an orgasm with their husband, and half had not done so during intercourse.
  • Four percent of women have never had an orgasm with their husband, and 22% have never done so during intercourse.
  • While men are more likely to orgasm than women, the orgasm gap here is not as great as what most studies find.
  • 38% of men and 15% of women orgasm every time they have sex.
  • 95% of men and 68% of women orgasm at least 75% of the time.
  • The numbers here are considerably better than those usually given for women in general. This is not surprising as it’s been shown the longevity of the relationship greatly improves a woman’s chance of having an orgasm during intercourse.
  • 8% of women orgasm every time they have intercourse, and 37% do so at least 75% of the time.
  • 43% orgasm less than 25% of the time, and 24% have never had an orgasm during intercourse.
  • Most couples (82%) sometimes do something to help the woman orgasm during intercourse.
  • 14% do something every time, and 43% do so most of the time or more often.
  • Two-thirds of women have at least once resorted to masturbation after unsatisfactory sex with their husband.
  • 11% do this most to all of the time.

Women’s Comments

  • I have never been able to orgasm from intercourse and my husband has been my sole sexual partner. He has always pleased me and brought me to orgasm by oral stimulation. Now as we get older we use a vibrator to bring me to orgasm and I do have an orgasm nearly every time we have sex. Our sex life is great and just keeps getting better even after nearly 26 years of marriage!
  • Masturbation does not work for me.
  • The older I get, the higher my sex drive. I’m married to an incredible selfless man who has always subscribed to the philosophy “She comes first.” Now he loves to keep track of my orgasms (that he gives me.) He feels it is an inadequate night if I only have 10-12:-) He is an amazing lover that God gave to me, and I wish all Christian marriages had such incredible sexual intimacy like we do!
  • My first orgasm was at age 20 by oral sex. I first masturbated at age 21. I have never been able to have an orgasm during intercourse but it has never bothered me. My husband totally understands and as we get older I always use a vibrator during our sexual encounters to achieve orgasm. Our sex life is great!!!
  • I guess I’ve never felt a need to orgasm. The one’s I do have are more work than pleasure. Most of the time I’d just rather not bother.
  • We usually give me one or more orgasms before intercourse, with me using the vibrator on the outside and his finger on the inside. That also greatly increases my likelihood of having orgasms during intercourse. I strongly prefer a rear entry position for the second half of intercourse to help me orgasm. I need my legs together and also the deep penetration. Sometimes after intercourse I am not “done”, and my husband is very good about taking care of me again afterward. The pre intercourse orgasms are more of a warm up – I am not satisfied until after intercourse, even if I don’t orgasm again.
  • The answers to the question about how long after starting sex with the spouse did it take to start having orgasms are insufficient. There should be at least a “more than five years” option. By some definitions, it was probably about ten years for me, and “with” the spouse is a pretty loose description. It’s more like masturbation with him next to me, because he doesn’t help much.
  • It took over 20 years in a sexual relationship with my husband to discover that I wasn’t broken, and that the addition if a vibrator to our lovemaking would allow me to orgasm. Life changing.
  • This is not my first marriage. I have had many sexual partners. But I did not know that my clitoris could do THAT until a year into this marriage. He kept asking, gently, about whether I was having orgasm and if I could do it for myself. I thought the answer was yes to both, until I discovered my clitoris. To think of all those wasted years!!
  • I am not sure why we, in our almost 33 years of marriage never made it a priority to have me organism during intercourse. My hubby stimulates and brings me to orgasm by hand usually, and sometimes by oral, but we have rarely gone just to piv without my prior organism. Interesting, never really thought about this before….. Could be that he has always had a bad back, and we envision the process for stimulation to be had on his back?? I don’t know.
  • Menopause has slower me down a lot.
  • I always do “something extra” during intercourse if I haven’t orgasmed yet. Usually it happens before intercourse, though.
  • Married twenty years before my first O, which occurred spontaneously during a rare solo session. That’s when I realized what was the big deal about sex. I had had feelings, urges, desires, but they were never quenched. There was never enough foreplay or time taken and incorrect/insufficient attempts at stimulation. That was 21 years ago. Since then I have made attempts to show my dh what I need but it’s difficult to teach someone who doesn’t see the need to learn. I have a lot of sadness over what was missed and is still missing. He would say I was once a sexual refuser but he still doesn’t get why. The claim of ignorance only goes so far (and he denies ignorance, but I will claim it). He’s a great provider, nice guy, etc., but his refusal to see or admit he has any issues at all really draws the boundary lines for where our sex life and the marriage can blossom and grow.
  • I used to be one of those wives that was selectively “too busy” to have sex with my husband. I had sexual baggage that I had not dealt with, causing me to not enjoy sex as much as I should have. We have been married 13 and a half years. Most of that time, we only had sex once per week…twice if my husband got lucky. About five months ago, we experienced a true break-through. I decided to let myself be vulnerable during one sexual experience, and the hand of God transformed my heart and mind in an instant. Now we have sex every single day, with multiple (5 or more) orgasms for me every time. I am very easily orgasmic during intercourse now, even though I had only had 2 orgasms during intercourse for the first 13 years of our marriage! Men, if you have a wife that refuses you, keep praying for the Lord to change their hearts…that’s the only way real change will happen. My husband prayed for me all those years, asking the Lord to match our desires. Ironically, now my desire for sex has far surpassed his, but he’s not complaining 🙂 My prayer is that the Lord will open the eyes of Christian wives and make them see their folly in not enjoying sex. Sex is a wonderful gift from God to be enjoyed by husbands and wives. It’s really hard to be mad or “nit-picky” over small things when having frequent sex. I think if couples had more sex, there would be a lot less divorce!
  • The more we both made sex a priority, the better sex we had.
  • My husband has a standing rule; she goes first. It works pretty good for us, unless the days have stretched out between our sweet moments together. Then we just work on getting my oxytocin level out of the negative and moving towards the positive while I treat him to delicious pleasure. I don’t have a prayer of a chance relaxing enough to orgasm if my oxytocin is low. It took about 10 years of making love for us to figure out how I work. And I think my husband is still working on seeing the dynamics of my day that work against our sweet moments together. But if we had it all figured out, how interesting would that be?
  • It was well over a decade before I had an orgasm and it was not that great, either. It wasn’t until I learned to really relax (and we weren’t trying so hard!) that the orgasm became pleasant. The constant focus on having an orgasm made it feel like I had to perform but I had no idea how to accomplish it. We stumbled into it finally and with years of practice it rocks, now. Wish we had better instructions early on.
  • The first time we were intimate he went down on me & I came first then we had sex & while a great start it is not the norm.
  • I haven’t orgasmed in the past 7-8 years. My body has gradually lost responsiveness. Vibrators used to work but they don’t even do the trick anymore. I’ve given up trying. It’s too depressing. My husband’s touch no longer does a thing for me. Menopause has ruined sex for me.
  • What has helped in achieving an orgasm during intercourse is two primary things: (1) having an orgasm before he penetrates, so that I’m really just riding a wave and the next one comes more easily; and (2) learning which positions, entry angles, and hip tilting gets him hitting “that spot” just right so that I can go over the edge. That latter one has been a real benefit of being married longer and trying out various options until we found what worked well for both of us.
  • I had never experienced an orgasm before my husband. I don’t remember how long it took to orgasm during intercourse after we got married; we always finished me in some way.
  • My husband takes great care of me, for which I am very thankful!
  • If your husband doesn’t care enough to slow down and be gentle, it’s pretty much impossible. So yes, sometimes I just take care of myself. It’s faster, easier, and I can do it when I feel like it. Most times when my husband expects sexual favors from me, I’m exhausted. I long to have a gentle, caring, helpful husband. But this is the hand life dealt me. I made my choice 24 years ago and I will keep my vows, No matter how lonely my marriage is. How can a man make work his priority and then think his wife feels loved, appreciated or even important…..or cares if she orgasms with him during sex.
  • I need more advice on how to better orgasm. It’s often difficult to get to the climax. What works for other ladies?
  • It took YEARS to learn how to orgasm with my husband but after we figured it out he makes sure I orgasm every time unless I specifically tell him I don’t have the energy for it.
  • He always wanted me to Orgasm.

Men’s Comments

  • Used to orgasm every time. Sex became less frequent so maturation became more frequent. I could orgasm if we went longer, but she is done when she gets her’s. She will then finish me by hand.
  • I have always been a premature ejaculator so I have an orgasm very easily. Before marriage at 27 (as a virgin) I masturbated at least 5 times a week. After marriage, I continued to masturbate but less frequently as time has gone on. Now at 53 I masturbate about twice a week with my wife’s knowledge and blessing. Our sex life continues to improve with age!
  • A friend first masturbated me at age 10 and it became a nearly daily habit since then. Now in my 50’s I probably masturbate twice a week on average with my wife’s knowledge and blessing.
  • Frequency when with wife was 100% prior to starting anti-depressant medication.
  • My wife was my 1st female sexual experience. Both virgins, we were 16 and 17 when we met and 18 and 19 when we 1st had sex. Prior to that l had masturbated to “get by”, but when we met we began dry humping” for release l began to masturbate less and less. Now at 43 and 44 we are still as frisky and freaky as we were in our teens. Though we started pretty much on the same track as far as libido, mine is stronger than hers is now, but she is such a generous lover she always accommodates… Our physical relationship has long been the thing we lay our hat on.
  • Having an orgasm has moved from 100% of the time to 50 to 75% of the time as I have aged. Due to a combination of factors…just less important for me as long as my wife is satisfied.
  • As a teenager I probably averaged 15 orgasms a week.
  • As a young teen I was addicted to masturbation and did it a lot. Too much. This may have led to my later problem with porn. I’m not past that (as much as one can be) and have a good sex life with my wife.
  • Regarding prior question – Really depends on what YOU CALL an Orgasm? IF Ejaculation = Orgasm then nearly 100% IF we’re talking about Orgasm can be unrelated to ejaculation (which is more accurate) then it’s closer to 50% or less.
  • I had no problem with orgasms until I had prostate cancer – well the problem existed for a while before I was diagnosed . . .
  • We have not had penetration in around 8 years. She orgasms from breast stimulation or oral. However she has pain and I think something from the past. She will hardly touch me. We were both virgins. I feel very alone, but committed because I want to please Jesus!
  • I always make sure she orgasms too.
  • Reason for entering “never” in previous question is that “sexual contact with my wife” never happens any more. Hope this does not disqualify my other responses to this survey. But it’s the sad truth.
  • That last question was hard because I wondered what does sexual contact mean. For example, I have an orgasm with my wife about 95% of the time when that’s what we are intending. However, sometimes we have not just non-sexual touch, kissing, etc. that we are not intending to be leading into a full sexual experience. Yes, we also have the quick non-sexual touch, kissing, etc., but… One of the things that we do sometimes is a wonderful sexual kiss, rather than just a peck, at a time when one of us is going off some place. And sometimes we say that’s a warm up until later. And it’s understood that sometime later we’ll have time and probably still be interested. As a husband I think it helps my wife, because especially when we were younger she didn’t think about sex much. Whereas I think and thought about it very frequently. It was a way to getting her thinking about how crazily, madly, sexually in love I was with her.
  • I purposely do not orgasm often as I find the sexual energy that remains is quit satisfying. My wife seems very accepting of this as well for me. Our sexual experiences together have been very satisfying and very frequent because of this. So it’s not a negative thing for us that I don’t. Thank you.
  • Question is not specific enough. What is sexual contact? I’d consider a quick French kiss while no one is looking sexual contact that does not lead to my orgasm. So I answered 95% of the time to account for those rare occasions. Otherwise, it would be 100%.
  • I always wondered why my penis wouldn’t go back in my pants (I had a boner) after playing pull down pants with the girl next door and I wondered what that white stuff coming out of my penis was. (Orgasm)(Ejaculation).
  • Until 2 years ago 90+% of sexual experiences with my wife ended in an orgasm for me. Then at age 43 I had my first ever incident of erectile dysfunction. At this time we started looking at other ways to get her off, as she had never been interested in them before, although I had. We soon discovered that getting her off was almost as good for me, as it was for her. Since then I’ve not needed/wanted to orgasm as much when we have sexual experiences, but I prefer it if she does.
  • Cannot wait to see the female results.
  • An orgasm with my wife is amazing. Masturbation does not even come close.
  • Been in a sexless marriage for the last 8 years now.
  • Testosterone is a funny thing, I woke up one morning when I was about 12 and suddenly was vividly aware of every female on the planet!

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