Toys in Bed?

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Toys in Bed?

151 women and 521 men have answered
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  • Not much gender difference on this one, although women were a bit more likely to hedge.
  • Seventy-six percent of men and 61% of women say it’s perfectly acceptable.
  • Fourteen percent of men and 22% of women say it’s okay in some situations.
  • Only 2% of women and 1% of men were sure it’s wrong. An additional 2% of each said not wrong, but unwise.
  • How serious people were about Jesus had no impact.
  • Women 55 and over were somewhat less likely to say perfectly acceptable, with more saying okay in some situation. For men there was no significant difference based on age.


  • Usage is lower than acceptance. Some of this would be due to the spouse being against sex toys.
  • Twenty-five percent of men and 21% of women have never tried sex toys with their spouse.
  • Nine percent of men and 7% of women have used them in the past, but do not do so now.
  • Forty one percent of men and 46% of women use sex toys occasionally.
  • Fifteen percent of men and eighteen percent of women use sex toys much of the time.
  • Ten percent of men and 9% of women use sex toys all or almost all the time.
  • For women regular sex toy use (much of the time or all/almost all the time) was much more common for women 35-54, at 45%. Sixteen percent of older women and 26% of those 25-34 were regular uses. For men the patter was similar, but not as pronounced.


We asked those no longer using sex toys why:

  • Twenty percent of the men and 11% of the women are now in sexless marriages.
  • A third of each gender said the sex toys did nothing for them
  • Twenty-two percent of women and 7% of men stopped because it didn’t feel right to them.
  • Thirty-nine percent of the men and no women stopped because it did not feel right to their spouse.
  • Among other reasons a couple men and women said their toy broke and they never replaced it. Others said they lost interest or no longer felt the need. A few said they both felt convicted it was wrong.


  • Vibrators are far and away the most tried sex toys, with egg/bullet being the most used at 81% of men and 72% of women who have ever used any sex toy.
  • Non-vibrating dildos were also poplar at 52% of men and 47% of women.
  • Cock rings have been tried by more than half those who have used toys, with vibrating models more common.
  • Ben-wa balls and butt plugs have been tried by about a third of the women, while a third of the men have tried a male masturbator.
  • Pumps, both his and hers, were the least tried toys.
Of those you have tried,
how do you like each?

Dislike it

Does nothing
for me




Dildo (non-vibrating) 6% 24% 31% 20% 20%
5% 11% 32% 34% 18%
Egg or bullet vibrator 2% 6% 20% 39% 32%
1% 3% 26% 38% 32%
Rabbit Vibrator 8% 13% 15% 28% 36%
5% 7% 21% 31% 37%
Vibrating dildo 5% 9% 23% 27% 36%
1% 4% 26% 41% 28%
Heavy vibrator (Hitachi etc.) 0% 3% 26% 23% 49%
4% 6% 11% 27% 51%
G-spot vibrator 6% 9% 20% 30% 35%
2% 10% 21% 46% 21%
Cock ring 11% 26% 31% 20% 11%
6% 18% 34% 25% 17%
Vibrating cock ring 9% 11% 38% 30% 11%
7% 17% 28% 32% 16%
Butt plug 26% 9% 29% 24% 12%
4% 13% 29% 30% 23%
Penis sleeve (used during intercourse) 22% 28% 22% 17% 11%
26% 24% 24% 17% 9%
Male masturbator (fleshlight, tenga, etc.) 12% 25% 12% 37% 12%
4% 9% 29% 35% 23%
Nipple clips 33% 10% 29% 19% 10%
27% 18% 14% 24% 18%
Penis pump 60% 20% 20% 0% 0%
15% 27% 27% 23% 8%
Vulva pump 37% 0% 25% 25% 12%
24% 33% 19% 14% 9%
Ben-Wa balls 12% 22% 28% 19% 19%
11% 33% 24% 20% 13%
Anal Beads 31% 8% 23% 31% 8%
9% 29% 27% 24% 11%
Strap On 50% 25% 12% 0% 12%
13% 16% 25% 16% 31%
Prostate massager 27% 18% 27% 18% 9%
8% 12% 15% 33% 33%

This chart looks at how people felt about the toys they had tried enough to have an opinion. Pink for women, blue for men. Any choice chosen by at least 30% is shown in bold.

  • The big winner is heavy vibrators, with 78% of men and 72% of women who have used them saying they are good or great.
  • Egg/bullet: 71% of women 70% of men said good or great.
  • Rabbit Vibrator: 64% of women and 68% of men said good or great.
  • Vibrating dildo: 63% of women and 69% of men said good or great.
  • G-Spot Vibrator: 65% of women and 67% of men said good or great.
  • Male masturbators were rated as good or great by 58% of men, and 49% of women.
  • Men gave prostrate massagers high marks, with 66% saying good or great, but women were less enthusiastic with only 27% saying good or great, while 27% of women dislike them.
  • Women were not into strap ons, with half who tried them disliking them and only 12 giving them positive marks. However, 47% of men who had tried them said they were good or great.
  • Women also disliked penis pumps (60%), vulva pumps (37%), nipple clips (33%), and anal beads (31%).

Women’s Comments:

  • Thanks for this
  • After 21 years of marriage, we can do more for each other than a piece of rubber or plastic can. So just no interest in them….
  • Been married for two years. We don’t have a lot of variety and no toys, but sex is still really good. I think toys would be even more fun but hubs seems hesitant and I don’t want to push it. He loves just normal intercourse and probably can’t imagine anything better. I imagine that toys would increase my physical experience but decrease emotional connection, especially since I would feel selfish.
  • Too bad I like using them with him. But he’s addicted to porn and I’m in a sexless marriage.
  • My husband of 27 years has ED. I would not want to suggest or imply that he needs to use something because he is inadequate. I would probably enjoy a toy or two. The price would be too high.
  • My husband noticed I had been masturbating during the night, which I was not even awake for. I did do it sometimes fully aware and on purpose but seem to be doing it a lot in my sleep. I don’t even agree with masturbation and am having a hard time dealing with it. My husband saw it was increasing in frequency during the night and thought I needed more sex/stimulation than he was providing. So he bought me a vibrator and left it under my pillow with a note explaining how it works and telling me what he noticed and thought I would like it. I was horrified by it! His intentions were in the right place but it’s not for me. His note also said that if I did not want it, to leave it under his pillow and he would take care of it. The note also indicated that I did not need to talk to him about it if I was too embarrassed and he will not ask me about it either. I ended up putting it under his pillow to get rid of it and we have never spoke of it ever.
  • Nothing feels as good as flesh on flesh for me.
  • I’ve never even stepped into a store that would sell them, too embarrassed.

Men’s Comments:

  • Couples can choose to use sex toys but they should never replace intimacy between a husband and wife.
  • Wide arena for a general question. We’ve never needed them for FO. Not sure why one would use them otherwise? Is it different than lingerie or a mirror or candles or music…I don’t know
  • We bought an egg, but I can’t get her to try it. My wife is very conservative about some things, but we have a good and active sec life. The survey is missing a way to indicate that some toys are ok and some are not.
  • Bought one, tried it once… She had absolutely no interest.. 🙁
  • As much as I would like to use them, it’s out of my wises comfort zone.
  • I just don’t have the nerve to push it with my wife. I’ve had one sitting in the closet for two years, but I haven’t ever used it. She desperately needs the help it would provide in my opinion, but she’s not sex-positive at all…
  • My wife doesn’t want to try. She read Sheila Gregoire and she said they shouldn’t be needed.
  • To me there is a HUGE range for sex toys, so this survey is tricky in terms of what I think might be appropriate. My wife and I have preferred the “work” of getting to know each other and pleasure each other to climax, instead of using toys. That said, we understand some toys might ‘get us their faster’, but we are young (30’s) and don’t want to rely, or put ourselves in a position to rely, on toys for ‘good sex’. Fearful? uncomfortable? Sure, a little, but we would counsel any other couple to exercise caution in such things also. I don’t believe we should ever NEED such a thing as sex toys, but understand some are able to mutually enjoy and benefit from some uses of sex toys.
  • Never used together. Wish we had. Think it might have provided her more satisfaction. I grieve that her pleasure us so low now & what’s left is mercy sex.
  • Would love to. Wife won’t hear of it. Bought an egg vibe once, wife got very angry, that was that.
  • We never have used any toys for the simple reason of not wanting to have an experience with a toy that we can’t fulfill for each other without the toy.
  • Sexless marriage, so it’s a moot point.
  • We simply prefer a more hands on type of foreplay and manual stimulation. We are not against it due to any type religious beliefs.
  • We have a very narrow set of practices/positions/tools that we have allowed into our MB and that is sad……
  • Anything I can do with my wife with hands, mouth/tongue, or etc is OK. When I use something mechanical then I have doubts about it being OK.
  • Conversations about sex or physical intimacy prior to marriage seem to have all been “forgotten” by spouse once we said “I do”.
  • My wife does not feel they are acceptable to use therefore we have not.
  • Never had any issue with using sex toys, specifically a “fleshlight” she used on me and a vibrator moulded after me both she and I would use on her .
  • We’ve just bought a pair of handcuffs but haven’t had chance to try them out yet
  • Spouse is adamantly opposed, both to toys and sex in general. This makes me a sad and involuntary celibate, but God hates divorce and so do I.
  • Would like to try. Wife not willing to try anything outside of two positions in the bedroom.
  • I would like to try them but my wife would NEVER even consider it.
  • My wife is not open to it at all.
  • I am the higher drive spouse. We’ve been married over 20 years but have difficulty in communication especially regarding sex. I’d like to have these discussions about our sex life but they are often uncomfortable and come across as threatening to her. I wouldn’t mind trying toys and spicing up our sex life a bit, but doubt it will happen.
  • I think sex toys are permissible under certain circumstances (a physical limitation(s) of one or both of the spouses), but I can see using one, if both spouses find it acceptable, during their lovemaking. Personally, I don’t think a sex toy should be used by one spouse who is alone. Nor should it be used as a substitute for the other spouse. But, who knows? My views certainly could change.
  • As long as they are used together as part of lovemaking I think it’s OK but shouldn’t be used alone to masturbate.
  • We used one toy on our honeymoon and it turned into a bad experience for us. We haven’t used any since then but we really haven’t had a need to use them. My wife is not opposed to them so I’m hoping we can try them again at some point. Anything to make sex more pleasurable and enjoyable, I am all for it.