Got Foreplay?

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Got Foreplay?

70 women and 253 men have answered
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  • Aside from far more women wanting 5-10 minutes and far more men wanting 10-15 minutes, men and women answered similarly.
  • A third of women want no more than ten minutes of foreplay. Only 19% of men wanted this little.
  • Young women tended towards shorter foreplay preferences. Is this about not needing as much, not having learned the joy of the journey, or stage of life?
  • Age had little effect on men’s answers.


  • Men and women had almost identical answers on this one.
  • A third want intercourse to last 5-10 minutes.
  • 64% of men and 53% of women want 15 minutes of less.
  • 18% of women and 14% of men want more than 20 minutes.
  • Statistically half the women have no expectation of climaxing, and yet they still want intercourse to last longer than he needs to reach climax.
  • Older women tended towards shorter intercourse. Do they climax faster, or is it something else? Maybe they climax faster because they tend towards longer foreplay?
  • Older men also tended to short intercourse. Among men 55 and older more than half want intercourse to last no more than ten minutes.


  • Half of women and 49% of men find the amount of foreplay they have to be good.
  • Very few men or women think foreplay goes on too long. Only 3% of each think it’s more than desired or far too much.
  • 57% of men and 47% of women find foreplay too short.
  • Yes, more men than women want foreplay to last longer.


  • 54% of women and 43% of men are happy with how long intercourse usually lasts.
  • 9% of women and 2% of men think intercourse usually lasts too long.
  • 55% of men and 37% of women would like intercourse to last longer.
  • Men 55 and over were much more likely to say intercourse does not last long enough, with 70% saying it ran too short.

Women’s Comments:

  • Insufficient foreplay/sex happens with young children in the house, and premature ejaculation.
  • I really enjoy foreplay but get uncomfortable and bored in intercourse.
  • I like to orgasm several times during foreplay. That is possible when I use a “rabbit” with strong vibrations. I also like soft cunnilingus for several minutes. I love to be “super wet” when it comes to intercourse.
  • ED is a big factor.
  • My husband needs to spend more time in foreplay just cuddling and touching in other areas instead of going straight to my crotch.
  • B/c of medication side effect, I can only climax with a vibrator. I get self-conscious about how long it takes, worrying that my husband will be frustrated with the length of time, so I often give up on foreplay before I’m ready. It’s totally my issue, not his – he doesn’t feel like I “take too long”.
  • We’re pretty much switched from the norm. I like less foreplay and more IC. He’s the opposite.
  • While I checked the option for the “About right” amount of foreplay, I feel like a lot of the foreplay is me handling my husband and is not necessarily the type of foreplay you might expect or that I would prefer. I like more kissing and romantic foreplay. He seems fine just being groped and played with. That might also have something to do with our relationship as a whole. So basically, even though the amount of time we spend on both foreplay and sex is good, I wish the foreplay were more romantic. That would get me steamed up more so than just touching each others’ body parts. I also want to note that if I flirt, touch my husband, or talk about sex during the day, that gets him more in the mood for it by the evening. So in a way, sometimes we’ll have foreplay throughout the day as well.
  • Define foreplay? I’m not sure where the line is, for instance, between “foreplay” and “oral sex.” Due to birth control and maybe some other reasons, we often don’t have intercourse at all, so the lines are pretty blurry.
  • When sex takes too long it either becomes boring, annoying or painful. It is important for my partner to be tuned in and understand when I had enough of pounding and am ready for climax. The stories of sexual intercourse lasting for hours and the woman not having the nerve to say anything is just sad.
  • My physical health makes it challenging to enjoy prolonged sexual interaction. I like extended foreplay, but if we spend too much time there, I can’t make it to a satisfying finish! And if intercourse goes too long, even though I want and like it, and feel ‘left out’ when intercourse isn’t part of the interaction, I’ll be sore for days. I know I’m not your average girl, but I would say, “You never know what the future holds for your healthy body, so appreciate and enjoy the stamina and energy of your 20’s and 30’s while you have it!!!!”
  • Now that I am in my 50’s, it is much easier for me to orgasm than it was in my 20’s or 30’s. Because of this, I don’t need as much foreplay as I did earlier in our marriage. However, I am much more likely to have multiple orgasms now than I did then, so longer foreplay and more time spent in intercourse is still a very good thing!
  • Sometimes I feel badly because I take too long. If I can sense he’s close and I’m not, I kind of just give up. This usually happens when we start with too little foreplay. He can feel my body “give up” and it makes him sad, but I can’t help it. If I know it’s not going to happen, I can’t force it to happen. I tell him to please just go ahead, it’s okay – and he will usually finish but it dampens the experience. My husband is a very thoughtful lover and he doesn’t like it if we don’t both finish. I just have to help him understand things are better for me if we don’t just “jump right in.”
  • These were difficult to answer, because I can’t say I’ve ever timed our foreplay or our intercourse. I’m not exactly looking at the clock right about then, and there’s a lot more interesting stuff on my mind than time. LOL. So my answers on how long we engage in foreplay or intercourse are guesses only, and may or may not be the time we actually spend in these. I’m fairly quick to orgasm either from foreplay or intercourse, but just because I can orgasm quickly doesn’t mean I always want to. It’s actually more fun to take it slow. However long we’re at each of them, it’s the right amount.
  • We’ve been at this for a number of years now (17) so have it pretty well figured out! There are occasions when we need more time, or less time, so I answered based on average needs, and not necessarily wants.
  • Due to prostate surgery, my husband doesn’t ‘o’ except by oral, so we do that last. Because he doesn’t ‘finish’ during intercourse, this can go on long after I am done, and sometimes more than once per session. I generally let it continue as long as he seems to be enjoying himself.

Men’s Comments:

  • I did not really know how to answer #s 5 & 6. The answers require a specific time frame as if every occasion is the same. They are not. There are so many variables for any one occasion: opportunity, available time, external factors like kids, and on and on. I can’t boil it down to a single amount of time. Plus, it really depends on the extent of the foreplay. For example, a really sexy and romantic lead in over dinner & dancing are themselves a part of the foreplay by some definitions so these occasions may take hours or even days if we set the schedule ahead of time. Using a more strict definition of foreplay such as actual erotic/sensual touching immediately in conjunction with intercourse, even then it is a variable, just with shorter potential timeframes. In the example of the specific, planned in advance date, we both may already be so charged it won’t take much time to achieve orgasm. For a more “routine” – if you will – intimate occasion, it can still vary significantly due to common issues such as fatigue or stress. Stress can certain lead to much more foreplay needed just to refocus and put aside the worries of the day, for example. So, I really don’t know how valid any date from this questionnaire will be or the conclusions you attempt to derive from it. Perhaps if you could modify the questions and potential answers a bit to allow for more variability?
  • My wife doesn’t seem to want any foreplay, which is very frustrating. Since we got married all the flirting, teasing etc, has completely stopped now that we actually have sex.
  • I am unsure what foreplay means. Is that anything prior to PiV or prior to Orgasm? My wife does not like extended PiV 90% she orgasms from manual and prefers that. I O in PiV within 1 min, I try to hold off due to connectivity and pleasure but she rather me in and out. Is oral FP or only if not O?
  • I like foreplay, I don’t need it, my wife does really enjoy it. She much prefers to jump right in. I’m still not sure exactly why, I assume it’s just how God made her. She is also though, among the minority of women who is able to orgasm from intercourse alone. I’m not sure if there is something more I should be doing for her, she does seem to like afterplay sometimes though. Maybe you can look more into this type of woman.
  • My wife needs more foreplay than I do so we go longer than I would if it was solely up to me. But I don’t mind that at all.
  • We are newly-wed, and still are learning things. As far as foreplay, a majority of our sex is just manual stimulation of each other because of us still getting used to PIV. I think she only orgasmed twice with PIV (both with plenty of foreplay).
  • Would love to “last” much longer but once penetration has occurred, it is difficult much beyond 5 minutes for me, but also am worried that going longer would make her sore (which has happened some in the past). Foreplay is nice, but I admit to loving intercourse much better. Trying to see things from her perspective and find a happy-middle.
  • In an ideal world I would want more foreplay, but with kids, it’s hard to carve out enough time to do more. Far too often we are interrupted by a crying baby or a knock on the bedroom door.
  • I’m searching for answers.
  • My wife says she is really not into foreplay.
  • There are health reasons for the answers given above. Intercourse is difficult for us due to bad knees and one of us being severely overweight as well as some other issues. That may skew the results a bit unless that sort of situation is taken into consideration. We DO, however, find ways for each of us to get satisfaction when we set out with orgasm as the goal.
  • ED limits long foreplay. I am always worried about losing erection and, sadly, it does happen if foreplay goes on and on.
  • My wife doesn’t like much exploring during foreplay. We could really heat things up if I could touch her vagina to get her going more
  • #8. Less than I desire to give her.
  • DW is more get to the orgasm but now that I am getting older I need more time for a firmer erection. I look for ways to extend but she is more get to the point.
  • Sometimes longer would be better – to heighten arousal to the point where we easily reach the point of no return, without focusing on it.
  • Foreplay is an important part, want to make sure both are having a great time. Good foreplay helps make good intercourse.
  • In addition to more foreplay, I love those occasions when there is a playful sexuality in the air between us for hours or even for most of the day. Anticipation is a huge part of the benefit and joy and experience of physical intimacy for me. And it makes the eventual orgasm more powerful as well. While such days only happen once or twice a year, they are awesome when they happen.
  • When we take the time and my wife has a really good orgasm (oral usually), intercourse is over very quickly because I am so turned on by her response that I can’t last long at all.
  • Sometimes a quickie is good and needed. Other times the goal is lengthy foreplay and build-up to a great release.
  • It varies with how tired we are, which also affects how bad we both want it. And also is it morning sex, middle of the day sex, early evening, or at bedtime sex. Sometimes for example, if we can get together in the middle of the day, it’s hot and heavy sex with little time spent on either but we are both happy/satisfied.
  • It is hard to keep the energy needed for long periods of foreplay when working 60-90 hours per week, into our 60s, some ed, and with the expense of the little pills.
  • Our foreplay is all for her, getting hey in the mood for sex, it usually takes some effort through the day starting with a plan to have sex tonight starting in the morning. Then an hour of touch before actual sex at night. It’s lots of labor for me to get to that 10min of what I need. But if I don’t put in the work its fast less likely to happen. Even with the work it only increases chance of sex to 1:3.
  • I know all the “how to” answers. But so often it seems my wife’s mind isn’t with me. I’ve tried giving her more time to process the day, but then she is too tired. She usually requests to move on to intercourse before I think either of us is ready.
  • The only time we have real foreplay is when the intent is to make the time special (some sort of occasion and lingerie is involved). Otherwise, it’s just kissing or heavy kissing and then clothes come off and penetration begins. My wife prefers to get to it because she said variety or stopping to change activities or positions causes her to lose focus (and doesn’t heighten her sensation/anticipation).
  • For reasons that would take too long to explain, DW isn’t very interested in foreplay, and because she’s very orgasmic, intercourse doesn’t take very long. This means that quickies tend to be our standard practice. Most of the time it’s okay; since we both work and have young kids to care for, sex happens more often when it only takes about ten minutes than it otherwise might. But I have been trying to get her to slow down and add more variety during the times when we do have more time to ourselves.
  • Foreplay is critical to both of our needs and satisfaction. We use a combination of toys, tickling and touch to ensure we are ready and it works with unbelievable accuracy.
  • When I’m lucky enough that she’ll allow it, I feel that she wants to hurry up and get it over with.
  • I would like to have intercourse longer but often cannot last any longer without orgasm. I try to extend some times by moving to a new position but I get resistance from my wife. Some time it will only be a 2 minutes, but others can be 15. I do not know why some times are longer than others.
  • I ALWAYS want an orgasm, age does not always allow me before I wear myself out. Wife is very generous – not always seeking orgasm and if having difficulty, she make strong efforts to help me reach mine. She does “instruct” as to how I can help her reach hers.
  • Just such rut. I can almost time the process. Trying to make it better and more substantial, but am needing my very good wife to come along for the journey. Bit of a challenge right now. This comment sounds as hackneyed as my sex life. Man not happy with sex. Copy. Paste. Sigh.
  • um

  • It varies a lot! From quickies to all night long….
  • I think I would enjoy more foreplay especially her playing with me which hardly ever seems to happen.. I play with her till she says she is ready.
  • I climax pretty quickly during intercourse and so I try to extend foreplay for a little while so as to allow my wife to have an enjoyable sexual experience. She hasn’t complained, but none the less, my goal is to make sure that she is pleased.
  • I would love to spend more time in both foreplay and sex with the intention of both of us having an orgasm, but my wife is never interested in taking this time to reach orgasm for herself.
  • Great series of answers on the BIG topic. Well done !!! Foreplay is priceless to me ?? and severely lacking in my marriage over the years . So I’ve given up on many occasions over the years ??
  • After we begin having PIV sex, my wife begins to feel raw. The lubricant we use is either very thin by now or is gone completely. Should I put on more lubricant before we begin? Or withdraw and re-lube both of us? So, I try to climax inside her and she usually climaxes after I do. Sometimes we climax together. That is really nice!
  • My devoted wife has no desire to orgasm. I’ve tried and begged and pleaded. I’ve accepted duty sex 3 times a month is my lot in life.
  • Doesn’t take long! Both of us enjoy the timing, foreplay takes as long as it needs to for her to relax, be comfortable with my touch and then proceed.
  • Our foreplay is usually all focused on her so that she for sure reaches orgasm first. We go right into intercourse. Would like it if sometimes it would switch focus on me for a bit before intercourse, but am afraid of her losing her groove.
  • My wife who is a big follower of Jesus will not allow any foreplay at all. No touching by either, only what is necessary for intercourse. I am desperate for any foreplay. As a result, it dulls my desire to have sex with her at all.
  • There probably should be a distinction. A couple more questions? How long do you want vs how long do they want?
  • We’ve been trying to include more foreplay in our lovemaking lately, not only because it’s more fun, but because it’s more satisfying afterwards. It’s difficult to manage sometimes, like when the baby refuses to go to sleep when she’s supposed to, but we both seem to like sex more when we both put some effort into turning each other on.
  • Your questions said “how long to you want” not just “how long”! 🙂 Ideally after some good foreplay (depends on her/mine mood, could be an hour, but we do have to do other stuff during the day!) intercourse normally lasted under 5-10 minutes even though I put 10-15 minutes, because I’d like more time. Normally doesn’t happen. Sometimes, if she tries, we can go through it all again within 15-30 minutes after I orgasm, but she isn’t interested in multiple sessions most of the time.
  • In general, I would prefer our sessions to last much longer…to be much more relaxed, but she usually wants it to happen much quicker so she can get to sleep or get some more work done.
  • Foreplay is a vital part of each of our sexual encounters. I wouldn’t really divide it up as foreplay and intercourse. It fluidly moves between manual, oral, and penetrative sex throughout our lovemaking. I actually think the language between foreplay and intercourse creates confusion and may be a reason why our culture has so easily adopted the idea that manual sex and oral sex are not sex.
  • Foreplay isn’t just for women. I’d love more foreplay, especially some oral teasing on both of us and more manual stimulation on me. It seems like 90-95% of foreplay is just for her and always has been.
  • survey may need to be more specific. can’t tell if you are assuming I’m getting or giving foreplay. I am the giver.
  • I’ve noticed a shift in this as I’ve gotten older / married longer. I want more foreplay now exploring and engaging in more activities and areas than I ever thought I would. It’s pleasurable and makes the culmination of intercourse and climax even better.
  • Not sure my wife understands foreplay.