Adultery Survey

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256 women and 385 men have answered
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  • Most have never cheated.
  • Men were 9 times as likely as women to engage in sex other than intercourse.


  • For women 50 and over adultery is less than half as common as for women 40-49.
  • Below age 50 longer life meant more adultery.


  • For men age did not change the rate of adultery much. Is this because men cheat early (and often?) or because men are now cheating earlier?
  • Sex other than intercourse was more common in men over 40, and especially those over 50.


  • Here too it is more common for men than women to commit no intercourse adultery.

Women’s Comments:

  • I only say NO on question 4 because you have no choice for “not that I know of.” He refuses to have sex with me, so… ??
  • I answered no, but curious how pornography fits here. My husband has battled in the past and I felt like I was being cheated on.
  • Worst mistake I ever made. Caused more hurt to more people than I thought possible 🙁
  • I have kissed another man though. Right after we were married. I’ve never told anyone about it. Worse feeling in the world and a load of guilt for a life time.
  • Adultery is more than sex. Adultery includes emotional affairs – I’d love to see ‘you’ discuss/challenge emotional affairs also. Adultery includes that “just friends”, “I only held her”, “secret texting”, etc.
  • Adultery is the most painful experience I have ever had to go through. It has been a long road to recovery and we are still on the journey.
  • Although I have not had sex with anyone else while married, I did make-out with a man other than my husband. We went under the clothes, but nothing that lead to orgasm. Definitely counted as emotional AND physical adultery!
  • And not proud of it. A really bad time in our marriage and I was tempted.
  • This just deals with the physical act of sex. There is more to adultery that this.
  • Adultery is not just sexual intercourse…. It starts in the heart. When you love or lust for someone other than your spouse… It is cheating.
  • just so thankful that God can heal and restore broken relationships & make them stronger as long as both are willing to hand it over to Him…it has been 6 years since my infidelity, and our relationship is so wonderful, beautiful and fulfilled! much more than before the 6 years! this year will be our 19th wedding anniversary…
  • My husband knows and we went through a lot of grief and counselling and healing.
  • To me, cheating is when you give another woman the things you should be giving me – your time, attention, compliments, but most of all your love and body. (I’m by no means a jealous or controlling wife. I hope that my comment is understood and doesn’t get turned around to look like I don’t let my husband interact with other women. I trust my husband and love him dearly 🙂 )
  • I was a complete mess when we got married and had a ton of baggage from being sexually abused as a child and teen that I never dealt with. Our marriage was literally at the point of divorce and I was moving out when I told him about the affair. God dramatically changed both of us literally overnight and we vowed to fix US. I went thru major counselling to deal with my past. It’s been 7 years since all of that happened. We just celebrated our 11th anniversary and absolutely could NOT be happier. I thank God every day for changing our hearts. <3
  • My husband was a deacon at our church, he preached a sermon based on the movie Couragous. Then he got a job at a college, a Christian college at that, and he turned 40. A 19 year old soccer player took a fancy to him and sent him nude photos and a video of herself, all the while knowing he was married with three kids and one on the way. She is now living in my house, and pretending to be maternal with my kids. I tried, HARD, to save my marriage, but he was not in it at all. I have accepted that this is my life now. But that really doesn’t make it any easier, I believe kids need their father but I honestly don’t even know who he is anymore and I’m hesitant to want the kids around him while he is displaying these horrible morals. Pray for me.
  • My former spouse was a serial cheater. His adultery led to the suicide of one person and the dissolution of our marriage. Two sets of children now no longer have their father in their lives on a regular basis. No wait, three sets. He broke up the marriage of the woman he is with now as well. Adultery leaves nothing but pain and destruction in its wake.
  • My husband has had an on-going problem with porn.
  • I had already filed for divorce and the marriage had been abandoned by my spouse emotionally and physically long before.

Men’s Comments:

  • Can’t shake her indiscretions in my head… And it’s been nearly 20 years ago. Sometimes I feel that only having an affair of my own would afford me the true forgiveness that I need to show… How bad is that..?
  • Was with prostitutes.
  • Same sex.
  • I have often wondered if it really was as exciting as billed……especially when married to a sex negative woman, and when I’m bombarded with spam ads for Ashley Madison and the like. My head and heart knows it would be wrong, but there’s still that part of me that wonders……
  • I had a chat with someone, planning to have sex with her but my wife found out about the chats and plans and now I’m grated as a cheater. The exact words my wife saw was “I’m willing to divorce my wife cos I love you and I always did love you”. My wife and I was in physical fight over this whole thing twice and she move out by the second fight but after 2 months out of the house, she is now back to make my life hell cos she want me to move out.
  • I did have sex with my ex-girlfriend, multiple times, while my wife and I where dating and it has had a negative effect on my marriage. After almost 20 years we are just now getting to a point that my wife is dealing with her hurt feelings from so long ago.
  • I think that adultery should encompass much more than physical sexual activity with someone else despite the commonly accepted definition. Putting anything other than God above your spouse is adulterous IMHO – including money, and lustful and selfish desires
  • One of the most painful experiences of my life. Marriage ending in divorce. [His wife cheated on him.]
  • Spouse thinks sex is dirty and gross. [He has cheated.]
  • I’m/we are dealing with this right know. IT SUCKS. [His wife cheated on him.]
  • As amazing as it sounds, I’ve never been tempted. My bride is an amazing woman and I couldn’t imagine a scenario where betraying her would be an appealing option.
  • I believe adultery to include more than this, though. Use of sexual talk in chat room settings, lustful use of pornography/masturbation, and even forced abstinence from one party are all adultery in my opinion. I’ve unfortunately been guilty of 2/3 of this list, and am suffering the consequences of the last one from my wife currently.
  • No sex in marriage = sex outside of marriage. [He has cheated.]
  • My wife considers watching porn to be adultery, and I did struggle with that for most of our marriage.
  • We got involved with another couple at one point several years ago and we both ended up having intercourse with the opposite couples. It caused issues in our marriage and took several years to get past it. It remains this day the biggest mistake we have both made in our entire lives.
  • Married over 30 years… Adultery w exposed, repented of, and worked through 20 years ago. [He has cheated.]
  • It was the worst mistake of my life and causes pain daily for me and my wife. God is faithful. [He has cheated.]
  • I am at the desperate point of my sexless and touch less cold marriage with an unhappy wife that I doubt I could say ‘no’ if another woman made an advance.
  • Oral between me and another guy.