Acts and Pleasure

4.00 avg. rating (86% score) - 1 vote

Acts and Pleasure

162 women and 401 men have answered

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This is a weighted average with those who did not engage in the act removed.

  • Men’s answers ranged from a low of 4.8 to a high of 7.4.
  • Women’s answers ranged from 0 to 6.7
  • For both men and women intercourse in their favourite position was the highest rated.
  • For both men and women receiving oral sex was a close second.
  • For men, the lowest rated act was masturbation by their own hand, followed by maturation with a toy.
  • For women, the lowest rated act was intercourse in their least favourite position, followed by anal sex.
  • The smallest sex-based difference was for manual sex by spouse’s hand. This was 6.06 for women and 6.05 for men.
  • The only items women scored higher than men were masturbation with a toy, masturbation by hand, and having their spouse use a toy on them.
  • The greatest sex-based difference was for anal sex, with 4.1 for women and 6.2 for men.
  • Intercourse in least favourite position received the most low ratings from women, with 28% giving it a one or a two. Second lowest was anal sex, with 15% giving it a one or two.
  • For men masturbation by hand received the most low ratings from men, with 9% giving it a one or a two. Second lowest was rubbing against some part of spouse’s body, with 7% giving it a one or two.


This shows those who do not engage in the act, or have not done it often enough or recently enough to rate it. Note many of these are not necessarily reciprocal, they can be done by one spouse and not the other.

  • Anal sex is the least common activity, with 24% of men and 36% of women doing it.
  • Toy use by or on the man is uncommon, with only a third of men using one to masturbate and only 31% having had one use on them by their wife.
  • Toy use is more common for women – 56% have masturbated with one, and 58% have had their husband use one on them.
  • Mutual masturbation (doing it together) is also somewhat uncommon, with only 46% of men and women saying they do it.
  • Masturbation is more common for men than women, with 90% and 77% saying they do it.
  • Receiving oral sex is more common for women, at 93%, than men, at 82%


This average includes all those who do not engage in each act. So this is only an indicator of how often these acts are done compared to the others.  It shows which activities are common and which are not. It does not show how often people do each act.

  • Intercourse in favourite position is by far the most common sex act according to both men and women.
  • For women manual from their spouse is second most common.
  • For men, masturbation was the second most common.
  • Rubbing against spouse’s body for reach orgasm is far more common for women than for men.


Women’s Comments:

  • We almost never engage in intercourse in least favorite position, let alone to climax.
  • Most of the pleasure I receive from sex is emotional not physical. I’m usually trying to avoid discomfort and/or pain. I do climax, it’s nice but no big deal for me.
  • I answered the first block based on how it was before my husband decided to stop having sex with me 18+ months ago. The second block is how it is now. 🙁
  • Enjoy my wand
  • I don’t have a position preference. I can’t and never have orgasmed from intercourse. So, I give him carte blanche to do what he wants. It’s all the same to me.
  • Anal play other than intercourse?
  • My spouse works out of town…gone 3 weeks…home for 2. So our numbers are different.
  • I’d love to have much, much more sex with my husband, but sadly, his drive is much lower than mine. Thankfully, when we do make love, it’s usually Amazing!
  • My husband refuses my advances. But I still desire him and only think of him while pleasuring myself.
  • It’s hard to rank how much pleasure. I can orgasm in a variety of ways, so obviously there is pleasure there, but I like certain things more than others. I can’t explain why exactly because I think the level of pleasure is the same. Maybe it’s just what feels more fulfilling/satisfying? I enjoy the connection and mutuality of sexual intercourse much more than oral sex, even if the pleasure is the same. Or maybe oral is more pleasurable, but I guess the BEST pleasure isn’t my goal? I want pleasurable connection.
  • I’m post menopausal and don’t get much physical pleasure from sex anymore.
  • I noticed that breast stimulation was not on the list, but it is also highly arousing and enjoyable.
  • Notice in mine that the intercourse and masturbation with my hand are equal in number of times because I have to masturbate during intercourse to climax because he refuses to do anything else to help me climax.
  • Physically, oral sex is by far the best orgasm as it is so intense. Everything is focused on me. It’s not rushed. I know he enjoys it, almost as much as me. I also both physically and emotionally enjoy giving him oral as much as he enjoys giving it to me. Emotionally, missionary or woman on top is the most fulfilling because of the intimacy looking each other I the eyes gives. We often finish together if this is our last position. And we seem to subconsciously choose it when we feel disconnected or are yearning emotional closeness.
  • Masturbation meaning with my spouse. I love our time together. Sadly, though, our intimate times has diminished since an adult child has returned home. Tis only a season. We don’t always get to choose our mission fields.
  • Spanking during foreplay can be fun. It’s probably one of my favorite things, but I enjoy it better when he uses a paddle over his hand. It’s not as heavy.
  • I’ve been sexually assaulted since being married & it has affected the way I enjoy or don’t enjoy sex. I often see it as wrong or wrong to enjoy it..
  • We enjoy experimenting w/ positions, but rarely do we go to completion in them. However, one of his favorite positions is among my least favorite. If I climax in that position it is just OK. We don’t really use toys. Oral & hand are quite nice, but by themselves don’t complete w/ the intimacy of sex. Anal exploration is somewhat new for us & it’s so exciting & fun but one of us usually has to give me a hand.
  • I would DEFINITELY prefer 3x wk but he’s just not interested. 🙁 doesnt matter if I talk, dress, text, touch, he’s emotionally closed off and nothing matters. It’s not porn (anymore), it’s not affair, it’s not drugs (anymore), just sucky drive.
  • I cannot achieve orgasm from just sexual intercourse, so in order for me to fully enjoy the sexual experience, I need either manual stimulation or oral from my husband.
  • Usually my husband manually brings me to climax then I will climax again during intercourse straight after and that brings the biggest climax. Oral is nice sometimes but mainly for foreplay. Least favorite position is usually used for a quickie for hubby.
  • My favorite position is a rear entry (me lying on top of him, my butt against his stomach, and him entering from behind while reaching his hand around front to stimulate me even more) and while I enjoy all types of making love, missionary is my least favorite in the sense that I have to work much harder and focus more to climax….sometimes I don’t finish during intercourse and hubby finishes with his hand.
  • Not sure how accurate those estimates of how many times a month are, can’t say as I track that. I just know that my husband and I are both satisfied with the frequency. Also not exactly sure what “rubbing up against part of spouse’s body,” entails, which is why I marked N/A. My husband and I both have physical touch as a love language, but didn’t know if that applied to this category.

Men’s Comments:

  • When everything added together only adds up to 5 or 6, it’s hard to see a trend 🙂
  • After almost 30 years of marriage, we are just beginning to try positions other than the missionary! Yay!
  • I wish my wife wanted to do more than just being on top. She has altogether stopped any other position but her being on top, she has stopped all forms of foreplay, and will only use a toy if it’s a vibrating c ring that I secretly put on without her knowing (she loves it, but says she feels dirty after). We have talked about doing more, and I have expressed my longing to do more, but she basically says that if it involves anything but the genitalia then it is sinning and she refuses to do it. I just want to love my wife and bring as much pleasure to her as possible, but she refuses. She even says that somethings like oral and mutual masturbation feels too good and refuses to orgasm. When we first got married we did everything thing, thin a year later she stopped everything but her being on top. Please help!
  • Oral would be nice. I really like doing it for her. Don’t need it for me, but once in a while might be fun.
  • I would LOVE to try mutual masturbation or to even just watch my wife masturbate, she says we will one day, but almost 10 years in it hasn’t happened. We tried anal once, it was incredible for me but it made her feel weird and messed with her bowels the next day. I’m not sure if there was anything we could have done better to improve it for her.
  • We are engaging in a new honeymoon era, yet it still is hard to find frequency. BUT the sex and communication is much better!!
  • Anal is not a clear question. Are you talking about giving or receiving?
  • I wish we would experiment more with toys and anal, but my wife is uncomfortable with both. She rarely gives me oral which I enjoy a lot. I love oral on her. I masturbate a lot without her present.
  • We only PIV. Don’t like or care for anything else.
  • Love happening with her using her feet.
  • I don’t have a least favourite sex position. It’s all good.
  • The last few months have been hard because of pregnancy. Regardless I wish for sex acts I don’t get normally.
  • Due to spouses physical limitations (surgeries, obesity, lack of interest) there is only ONE position ever used. I am lucky to get that.
  • I rated oral and manual sex by wife as the most physically pleasurable (8, compared to 7 for intercourse) because I can just lay back and enjoy without concentrating on thrusting. Intercourse requires some amount of concentration for coordinating movements, and that can take away a little from the physical pleasure. But if you were asking about emotional, holistic pleasure, I would rank intercourse 8 and oral/manual 7.
  • May God bless us all, and especially all of us whose spouses do not understand how critical sexual intimacy is in keeping a marriage together and holy! (or don’t care…)
  • Tough survey to fill out. We don’t do quite a few acts due to her preferences (gatekeeping). Honestly, for me position etc. doesn’t really matter all that much as a factor in the equation of pleasurable sex. I’d quite possibly be totally open to trying any or all of those acts. What would give me more pleasure than anything is if she’d just be more willing and open to their suggestion (either by her or by me), and make sex more fun, playful, uninhibited, novel, comfortable, erotic, exciting, etc. For me, the attitude going into a sexual encounter is apt to affect my pleasure almost as much or more than the physicality is.
  • Frequency answers were also answered “to climax”. Answers change greatly if foreplay is included.
  • I assumed #6 was to orgasm as #5 was . Many activities are very pleasurable, we just do not to them to orgasm. Because the little blue pills cost so much, we are basically restricted to one love making per week and we always want to make the most of it. And for us, that’s PIV sex. That’s what provides the best connection and the most mutual pleasure.
  • I love sex, any and all ways, PIV, oral, anal, masturbation (solo or mutual, or watching each other at the same time), toys on her, toys on me, favorite positions, least favorite positions, it doesn’t really matter. I just love sex!!!
  • We will usually do more than one thing on the list so the total is more than how often we have sex.
  • Some of the options are practiced as foreplay but we almost always(like 99%) finish with intercourse and 8/9 out of 10 in our favourite position, guy on top face each other. We love to watch each other.
  • I enjoy extended foreplay that builds to a great orgasm.
  • Sadly, my own hand has been my ONLY option for more than two decades. While doing so it helps to think back to the few (!) other methods that used to occur. The low frequency (!!) of those few acts, even when they did occur, means I often recall specific memories (“the one that happened on THAT particular day”) in order to get there.
  • I’ll be interested in the prevalence of toys in these stats….
  • Never had any luck getting off from a blowjob. Have been too tense and it takes me a long time to get aroused this way. My wife senses I’m not into it and stops. Will have to change it up a gear this year.
  • Every act that DW and I engage in is above a 4 for me. On average, intercourse in any position is more pleasurable for me than any other form of stimulation. Favorite position (Doggy Style) is a bit more pleasurable than least favorite (WOT) but not by much. Oral sex is slightly less pleasurable than intercourse while rubbing on DW’s body is just about as pleasurable as oral. While I do enjoy manual stimulation from my wife’s hand it just isn’t nearly as pleasurable as the other options.
  • We hardly ever have sex. She says she just doesn’t have the drive, or she uses a toy because it’s cleaner.
  • I think you should separate this sentence into two pieces. “Select N/A if you do not engage in the act, or have not done it often enough or recently enough to rate it.” Select N/A if you do not engage in the act, or have not done it often enough. Just because I haven’t done it “recently enough” doesn’t mean I can’t rate it. Question 6 is depressing! What she won’t do any more …
  • Wife controls the positions most of the time. She likes the CAT position a lot, but it is not visually nor physically as pleasurable to me as I don’t get a lot of stimulation. Oral is usually fun and she will incorporate her hands into that for manual stimulation for breaks. When I’m in the mood and she isn’t, sometimes she lets me stimulate myself with other parts of her body, which I do enjoy. Anal is VERY rare, but I always have a strong stimulation & a strong orgasm. Still, most of the best climaxes are when I do them myself. But I’d rather give up the best to be with her.
  • Sex life is rather boring.
  • The physical is wonderful! Don’t get me wrong; but it nothing without all the emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and other deeply intimate aspects which makes the physical wonderful. It is a celebration of the deep bonding in God-center marriage that makes the whole act amazing!
  • Wish my wife and I had more sex. I’m lucky if it’s once a week most of the time. She has literally no interest and doesn’t even ever think about it. I’d like oral sex, but she has no desire for that either. I’ve offered for mutual masturbation or to watch her, but she again doesn’t seem to care.
  • 1/26/2017 2:08 PMView respondent’s answers
  • Zero on most for either 1. Don’t do at all, or 2. Only get sex once every 6 months it seems no matter what I do. #HusbandLeftOutToDry
  • I want sex 2- 3 times a week, my wife wants it never. So we compromise. Once or twice a month, same position. Always oral for her, no oral for me. No anal, ever. I’m a sad sad man after 20 years of this.
  • The most pleasure I get is from giving her pleasure through intercourse, orally, and manually. This makes all of what I receive the most pleasurable experience. For me, it is less about the type of act and more about the experience as a whole.
  • I wish my wife would allow anal sex. Also, I would love for her to peg me.
  • Nearly sexless marriage. Intercourse is rare and always in my least favorite position. Oral is rarer still and never done to orgasm. Manual is most common and no more than once per month. We haven’t done my favorite positions in years.
  • My wife is a very awesome woman and she makes sure that I am pleased sexually. We did have problems early in our marriage but we were able to talk it out and come to an understanding that I need sex more than she does and she understood that.