This article is for the wife who wants her man to enjoy sex to the fullest. Some husbands are having a lot more fun in bed than others. Are these fellows different, or can other men enjoy sex in the same way? We are convinced most men could enjoy sex a lot more. Based on our conversations with couples, we think that the primary requirements for extraordinary male sex are a very active sex life, a lack of inhibitions, and a wife who is eager to both experience and give all that sex can offer. Wives, encourage your husband to try new things and help him explore the possibilities!
One thing that limits sex is misunderstanding and misinformation about what men’s bodies can and cannot do. Many men have never even tried things they could actually do because they see no reason to “waste time” trying things they are convinced they cannot do. With this in mind, let us start with some biology, and then we will look at how that biology can be used to make sex better.
When a man has an ejaculation, he starts what is known as the refractory period. This is often wrongly defined as the period of time during which a man cannot get another erection; more accurately, it is the period during which he cannot ejaculate again. A man may be able to get a second erection in a very short time, but not be able to ejaculate again for a while. The refectory period lasts from minutes to days depending on the individual. As a man ages his refectory period gets longer, but two men the same age can have very different refractory periods.
The intensity of the male orgasm is directly related to how much fluid he releases; the more he ejaculates, the better it feels. Two things that increase the quantity of ejaculation are prolonged abstinence and prolonged stimulation prior to climax. The intensity of an orgasm is also affected by the strength of the contractions, which is a function of the strength of the PC muscles.
Ejaculation actually starts shortly before semen squirts out. Once the various internal organs begin to empty their fluids into the urethra, the ejaculation process has started, and nothing will stop it; even if stimulation ends, semen will be ejected. The moment when it is too late to stop is called “ejaculatory inevitability,” or “the point of no return.”
In addition to the pleasure that accompanies orgasm, there are intensely pleasurable orgasm-like sensations just before a man ejaculates. Men describe these pre-climax sensations as being very good, almost a mini orgasm. These sensations can occur without going past the point of no return, opening an opportunity for more pleasure.
Build up those muscles: When a man (or woman) has an orgasm, the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles contract, and strengthening these muscles results in stronger, more pleasurable orgasms. See the article on Kegel exercises for more information. Since the proper exercise of the male PCs involves an erection, ask him to “workout” while you watch!
Increase quantity of ejaculation: Because more semen ejaculated means a better orgasm, going a week without sex will result in a powerful ejaculation accompanied by a very pleasurable orgasm. Few men see this quality for quantity trade off as a good deal, but there is another way of increasing the quantity of semen ejaculated. The seminal vesicles and prostate produce fluid all the time, but during times of strong arousal, they kick into over drive. This means that prolonged high-level arousal before climax will result in a much more pleasurable orgasm. Stimulation of the penis during foreplay will have the desired effect, although he may need a bit of practice to learn how to control that arousal once intercourse starts. Another way to increase his ejaculation is to tease him during the day, getting him aroused by what you say or show, or how you touch him. Each time you do this, you will cause his body to produce extra fluid for his next ejaculation.
Peaking: While orgasm is certainly the most pleasurable sensation of sex, it’s not sudden enjoyment preceded by no pleasure. Stimulation of the penis produces pleasurable sensations from “start to finish.” The feelings get better and better as the man approaches climax, and shortly before orgasm, the sensations are very, very pleasurable. With practice, you can learn to take him to that pleasurable “peak,” and then back off just enough to avoid orgasm. Doing this repeatedly produces a great deal of pleasure. You can also learn to take him to the peak and keep him there, on the edge for a couple of seconds. Making this happen just takes practice and attention to what you are doing. Watch his body, especially his genitals, and learn to read the signals about how close he is to climax (see the article on arousal). Initially peaking will need to be done during manual stimulation, but once you know his body’s responses, well you can probably do it during intercourse too.
Taking it slow: A variation of the above can also be very nice. You take him close to orgasm, and then continue stimulation at a very low level. Continue to reduce stimulation as he gets closer and closer to orgasm, drawing out the pleasure. Eventually, he reaches a point where the only way to prevent orgasm is to stop altogether. You can then stop, wait, and restart, or carry him through what will be a powerful climax.
A series of orgasms: As noted above, a man may be able to get a second erection very shortly after ejaculating. Some men can even maintain enough of an erection after ejaculation to continue intercourse, and if their refractory period is short enough, they may have two ejaculations during a single prolonged act of intercourse. While there are some limits on this, many men can have two orgasms in a short period of time. This is especially true if the man’s wife is willing to take a bit of extra effort. Oral sex seems to be a sure, fast way to give a man a second erection, but it may not be enough to bring him to orgasm. Stimulation will need to be stronger and last longer, especially if he has more than two climaxes in a short time, so be sure to provide adequate lubrication to avoid soreness the next day. Repeat orgasm by intercourse is possible, but he may need the stronger stimulation of the missionary or rear entry position. To give you an idea of what a man may be capable of, we have spoken to couples (who’s honesty we trust) who report 2 orgasms in 10 minutes, 3 orgasms in 30 minutes, 5 in three hours, and up to 9 in 24 hours (And all of this in men age 35 to 45!).
Prolonged orgasm: A man cannot stop an ejaculation simply by clenching his PC and other muscles, but he can delay it for as long as he can hold the muscles tightly. This extends the length of the orgasm. Once again, strong PC muscles are the starting point, and the wife can significantly improve his pleasure by learning to vary how she stimulates him as he reaches orgasm.
If he has it, use it: If he gets an erection after ejaculating, put it to use even if he does not think he can climax again. A man who loves his wife enjoys her sexual pleasure almost as much as his own. Get him erect again, then climb on top and enjoy him. He will likely have a great time even if he does not orgasm, and you can start building him up for the next time.
This one is just for me: Do not limit sex to when he can climax – if he is able and willing have sex where only you, or maybe neither of you, have an orgasm. You can both enjoy this, and it builds up sexual tension that will make it better for him when he does orgasm the next time.
Each man is different, both physically and mentally, so consider these things as starting points. Experiment, play, and see where it takes you. The more you learn, the better you will be able to improve sex for both of you! For more ideas on making sex better for your husband, see our article How to Turn Him On. That article is specifically for women trying to get their husband to have more sex, but there are some ideas that you can use to give a willing husband even more pleasure.
If you want to drive your husband wild with sexual pleasure, you can. Try new things, study how he reacts, ask him how it felt and what might make it better, and keep practicing. Make him glad he is a man – make him glad he is YOUR man!
intimate couple © Dmitriy Kapitonenko / Adobe Stock