This article is a compilation of blog posts from members of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.
Here, in order of appearance on the web, are the first five posts in a growing number of “sex-positive confessions”. Links to other such articles can be found at the bottom. Our thanks to the ladies for permission to reprint their blogs.
I have to confess…
1. I wasn’t always this way.
About loving sex, that is. I’ve always been a redhead, though. (Immaterial to this conversation but thought I’d throw it in anyway).
With regard to sex, the truth is that healthy sexual intimacy CAN BE learned and embraced. An old dog can learn new tricks. Bad analogy, I know. You get the point though.
2. I used to think multiple orgasms were pure myth.
Like some crazy sex therapist just made that up to mess with people. But now I know better. I mean, I really really know better.
3. On rare occasion, I have been too tired for sex.
That’s when I make him do all the work. He doesn’t seem to mind.
4. I am nicer to my husband and he is nicer to me. Because of sex.
I think we would still be nice to each other without the sex, but not really nice. It would be the fake nice. Like how you smile at the woman on the PTA committee, even though you can barely tolerate her.
5. Sex is really cheap entertainment.
Even if you toss in a Mike’s Hard Lemonade beforehand, we’re still looking at less than $5 for the night.
6. I don’t care how dirty the sheets get.
Who’s going to see these sheets anyway? If someone is checking out my sheets, I’ve got way bigger problems to figure out.
7. I believe wholeheartedly that my sons will grow up with a healthy God-honoring attitude about sex.
They may even bring up the topic at Thanksgiving dinner. You know, like when you go around the table and everyone says what they are grateful for. I can just imagine them as adults, sitting there with their wives, saying, “I am so thankful for God’s gift of sex. Grandma, what are you thankful for?”
8. I have thought of my grocery list while having sex.
But it contained stuff like whipped cream and hot fudge, so it doesn’t really count. The list, that is. The sex counts.
9. I think guys like it when their wives occasionally go commando.
Well… I think my guy likes that. I don’t know about your guy.
10. We’ve never done the role play thing.
I don’t think I could stay in character. “Hey you thief… whatcha doin trying to steal my heart? Come on over here so I can arrest you.” I’m laughing just thinking about it. I would still use the handcuffs though.
Inspiration can come from all kinds of places. This post, however, was completely inspired by Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage. You might want to start there by reading her post on 10 Confessions of a Wife Who Loves Sex.
Now here are my 10 Confessions from this wife who loves sex with her husband. (Thanks, God!)
1. We’re better lovers than we used to be.
As we have grown in our relationship and our knowledge of one another’s bodies, and as we have learned to be more giving in the bedroom, we have become better lovers. My hubby knows how to push my happy buttons, and I know what he likes as well.
2. I enjoy initiating.
We tend to trade off initiating without any plan to do so. Sometimes he thinks of it more or first, sometimes I do. But it makes the hubby feel like a million bucks to know I genuinely want him both emotionally and physically.
3. I like trying new things.
By new, I mean a different position, a new place, a game, different lighting, etc. I have gotten some great ideas from reading blogs in this area and from my own quirky imagination.
4. Sometimes I think about sex during church.
C’mon, you know sometimes your mind wanders right in the middle of a long sermon. Perhaps I’ve listened to everything the preacher has said when suddenly I glance over at my husband’s broad shoulders, the curve of his biceps, the sinewy muscles in his hands, and I want those hands on me. All over me. I take a deep breath, make plans for later in the day, and return my focus to the worship service.
5. I love using word play to flirt and set the stage for intimacy.
The hubs and I joke quite a lot to suggest being intimate. We’ll refer to each other’s bodies in fun ways and use double entendres with abandon.
6. I feel like throwing a party every time I find another Christian wife who loves sex.
There are lots of us, but not many willing to say aloud that they desire and enjoy God’s gift of sexuality. We’re like an underground movement, using code names, practicing secret knocks, and saying things like, “The peacock squawks at midnight.”
7. I struggle with wanting sex sometimes.
As much as I love physical intimacy with my husband, I struggle with accepting his advances when he has been absent in other ways or just plain irritating. I have to take my own advice then and talk it out or suggest a better time. Rejection is hurtful and injures our relationship, and I want to grow love, not squash it.
8. I feel better about my body after sex.
While it’s hard to get naked when you’re not entirely thrilled about your body, I allow myself to let go with my husband and enjoy our intimacy. In turn, I watch my husband revel in my body–which results in me feeling better about this body. It’s obviously not too bad if he wants it and enjoys it so much.
9. I like that my kids smile and roll their eyes when we touch.
While kids may act embarrassed seeing their parents touch and kiss one another, they are secretly happy about it. Children get a sense of security when they see their parents expressing love. We are also role-modeling God’s design for marriage when we plant a sexy smackeroo on one another’s lips right in front of the younguns.
10. I have thought a lot about speaking publicly to other wives about enjoying sex.
In fact, I have a presentation outline drafted. I want EVERY Christian wife to enjoy sex with her husband. My heart is that every wife will come to appreciate physical intimacy and experience it the way God intended.
Julie did it.
Now “J” has gone and done it.
I just can’t resist this band wagon ~
1. Well, I just enjoy sex.
I found out that sex feels “pretty good” (you have to say that with a Texan drawl to get the full effect) and experiencing it with the man I love and share my life with is deeply satisfying.
2. I like myself more.
I used to feel quite broken because I didn’t enjoy sex (what’s wrong with me?). Now I feel like everything is in working order and I think I am also having less body-image issues. My sweetie enjoys my body and says I’m beautiful. Who am I to argue?
3. I respect myself more.
I used to struggle with guilt because I said “not tonight” far too often. Now that I enjoy sex with my sweetie, I’m tickled pink that I can wear that boy out. (I don’t think he’s complaining either.)
4. My husband and I are more comfortable with each other.
There’s a softness and openness in our relationship. We are each other’s “safe harbor.” We have greater intimacy and can trust each other with our hearts. (I know there are other parts of our relationship that build this too, but sex does it in a way that nothing else can.)
5. My husband and I have a stronger team mentality.
Sex is something we do only with each other. We are a team. That carries over into the other areas of our lives.
6. I’m more sensual.
In the past, I think my fear of sex kept me closed off from experiencing and enjoying anything sensual. Now I enjoy the feel of the wind, the beauty of peas growing in the garden, and the sound of rain in the middle of the night.
7. I’m more relaxed.
Aside from the fact that the physical act of sex just relaxes you, I find that being more sexual has helped me take the frantic-ness of life down a notch or two … and I sleep better.
8. I do the happy dance anytime I get an email from someone who is becoming more sex-positive.
I probably look silly, but I figure this kind of growth deserves a little celebration.
9. I know there’s a good chance that my kids will have a healthy sex life in their marriages.
We tend to live out what our parents model for us. I hope they catch it bad.
10. I think it makes Jesus happy.
Yeah, I know that might sound a bit creepy, but God designed us to want and enjoy sex with our spouse. I figure I should take him up on his gift (rather than tell him “No, thanks, not interested.”).
Julie at Intimacy in Marriage started this revolutionary trend and I just couldn’t resist. I am blessed to call these ladies friends and incredibly blessed to be a sex positive wife. So here is my two cents, let me know if you want change!
1. Sex gets better with age.
For us this is true! For too many years we were not on the same page about sex or God’s plan for oneness. Now we are and it just keeps getting better, even with aging issues. We’re not old, right?
2. On a Menu, I prefer to pick what I already know is good.
Take from that what you will as far as sex is concerned. I tend to go back to what I like best.
3. We HAVE been walked in on by our child, WITH THE DOOR LOCKED!
Yup, I know you are thinking, how? They are tricky, those kids-and . . . we failed to make sure the door latched when shut! I had just asked if the door was locked, when all of a sudden there was one more person in the bedroom then we like. It was an interesting moment – yet afterwards, I sat down with our daughter and had a good talk with her. Our kids are getting used to our “mushy” marriage. We want our children to grow up with a healthy understanding of sex and a strong desire for good sex within marriage. Still we’re a big encourager of locks on your bedroom door-just make sure they click shut!!!
4. Telling me “no sex” makes me want it all the more.
Yeah, I know it sounds ridiculous. But when I am told “no” (whether actually or just feel it is off-limits) to sex for some reason, I want it all the more (doctors orders, visiting family or friends). Makes me all the more determined to find a way to share that special time with my hubby. Sounds like human nature, doesn’t it and a big reason why teens end up in sexual relationships before marriage. Hmm something to think on!
5. I never used to understand the whole Make-Up Sex thing.
When I was still upset from a fight, sex was the last thing on my mind. Yet over the past couple of years, I have challenge myself to try sex after a disagreement. Wow, now I get it! Challenge yourself to try to see how God blesses you through his design for sex.
6. I still struggle with wanting sex sometimes.
(sigh-because it is frustrating) Ahh when I allow life to overtake me, I struggle with the pull and can easily slip into forgetting to make sex and time with my hubby a priority. Thankfully we have open lines of communications about sex! Now I just say, “hey hunk, we need to find time for a little romp!” Or something to that effect.
7. I think husbands love it when we let them lead in sex.
Our hubby was designed to be a leader. I have seen wonderful positive things in stepping back in all things, including sex. Allowing him to initiate and allowing him to lead us. Nothing is more sexy than my man making his desires known to me!
8. I miss my hubby terribly when he is at work.
I really do! Not just sexually but in all ways. When he comes home I love hugging him and spending a few minutes just the two of us. If we didn’t have three kids-watch out! But we do, so that usually has to wait until later.
9. Sex is the best diet.
Yup, it’s the new sex-diet! Give it a try. When we are enjoying our one flesh connection, I find that I eat less and feel much better about myself. Generally I love who I am, but honestly ladies, I still struggle. The closeness that sex brings is a balm to my soul. The sex in marriage diet-every married couple should try it!
10. I think that the Missionary Position gets a bad rap.
Yes, it is the most common and the one we wives tend to revert to when we are not so into sex. Yet I think when re-explored it can be one of the best. Just sayin!
I stand with a wonderful cluster of like-minded marriage bloggers in promoting godly marriages (Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.) I share their desire to empower marriages by reshaping prudish attitudes. Sexual intimacy is only one facet of a thriving marriage but it has too long been swept under the Christian community’s taboo rug.
1. I’ve always loved the many wonderful sensations of sex even if the desire temporarily waned.
This sounds ironic doesn’t it? It was remembering how good it felt that partly motivated me to renovate my libido.
2. Music is an important element to our trysts.
The playlist includes, Bad Company (Feel Like Makin’ Love), Ella Fitzgerald/Louis Armstrong, Bon Jovi, Star Wars Soundtrack. (Note to self: Princess Leia/Han Solo costumes and Star Wars soundtrack may be fun.)
3. I love to shock Mr. Muscle.
Even though it only happens once in a blue moon. The last occasion involved a wine tasting in a public venue. As he took a sip of Spain’s best, I whispered in his ear, “I’m not wearing any panties.” He nearly showered the whole establishment with red wine droplets. We downed the rest of the wine samples like shots.
4. Quickies are OK.
Showering with your husband is superfun. Hair conditioner has many uses.
5. Exercise helps put me in the mood (a welcome little side effect).
Sex and low libido have both inspired me to honor God by taking care of his temple. I feel much better about myself (which may be part of the reason it makes me feel sexier) and want to ‘flaunt’ it in front of Mr. Muscle. (Disclaimer: This sex kitten is still a middle-aged mom who is good friends with Ms. Clairol and has twin-skin stretch marks, don’t go thinkin’ I’m anything but average.)
6. We have a sex schedule.
It’s not down to the minute. With my libido renovation, it helps to know when we may engage and that way I’m mentally prepped. “The peacock crows in the early afternoon” at Pearl’s house.
7. I wish I’d made sex more of a priority when the kids were younger.
We would have made a good team, better. I truly admire those who have young kids and continue to rock it in the bedroom by being intentional about that part of their union.
8. I hope to raise the bar for the next generation of marriages through a healthy view of marital sex.
One time I walked out of the bedroom and was kind of cheerful (OK, maybe VERY cheerful). My kids said to their friend, “Yeah, they did it.” It was just matter of fact. There wasn’t even any giggling. They understand this is an important part of marriage. They also have been briefed on the negative effects of pornography and adultery from us and close friends, using both personal and biblical accounts.
9. Not a member of the mile-high club, but travel sex rocks!
Getting away from the normal routine can slap the fanny of your adventurous spirit.
10. The spiritual nature of our sex life mystifies and comforts me.
Thank you, dear Heavenly Father, for this aspect of marriage. There is an unseen connection that continues to link us after the literal one-flesh union. We both, being brought to God through Jesus Christ, are thrilled that He is the head of our union and has given us this gift.
“If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31.
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