Should the wife orgasm every time?

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Should the wife orgasm every time?

415 women and 596 men have answered
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  • A less than a quarter (22%) want to climax every time, and 57% want to at least 90% of the time.
  • One in ten wants to orgasm less than half the time.
  • Age was a factor, but not greatly so. Women in their 30’s were the least likely to say every time (18%) while women in their 40’s were most likely (28%).
  • Those who said 75% of the time or less dropped slightly as age went up:
    • 20’s – 29%
    • 30’s – 25%
    • 40’s – 21%
    • 50+ – 20%

Have you ever said no to sex because you knew he would push you to climax when you did not want to?

  • Ten percent do this.
  • Another ten percent have done this in the past.


Other reasons included:

  • Medication or medical conditions that make climax difficult.
  • Not able to climax during a quickie.
  • Hormonal change due to pregnancy or menstrual cycle make orgasm too difficult at times.
  • Wanting to do it just for him.
  • He climaxes too fast and won’t do anything after.
  • Husband unwilling to give her the time necessary.
  • Feel pressured after he climaxes.
  • Too messy (two women ejaculate and sometimes avoid orgasm to avoid this).

Does your husband ever want/expect you to climax when you really would rather not?

  • Twenty seven percent have this happen, but their husband will drop it if they make it clear they do not want to orgasm.
  • Six percent have this happen, and their husband keeps pushing for it even when they tell him the do not want to climax.
  • Five percent had this problem in the past, but now the husband understands.
  • Thirty two percent have never had this problem, and 24% always want to climax so it is not an issue.
  • In the comments a couple of women complained about being pushed to orgasm, but one said she is usually glad afterward that he pushed.
  • Several women commented their husband is unwilling to do anything to help them climax, and one said she thinks her husband likes it better if she does get aroused.

Men – has your wife ever told you she did not want to climax when you were having or about to have sex?

  • Thirty six percent have never had their wife say this.
  • Two percent heard it in the past, but not now.
  • A third hear this from their wife, and another 29% hear it on rare occasions.


Other answers:

  • At least a dozen men said it makes them feel disappointed.
  • Half a dozen said they feel selfish.
  • Five said they feel guilty.
  • Several said they have quickies just for him, while others said she sometimes tells him it is just for him.
  • Four said they have sex more often than she feels the need, so her climaxing half the time is fine.
  • A couple said they have learned this is how she is, and have become okay with it.

Have you ever tried to get her to climax when she said she was okay without?

  • Sixty nine percent of men have done this.
  • Seventeen percent have not done this.
  • Fourteen percent have not faced the issue, as their wife always wants to climax.


Men’s Comments:

  • Because my wife has given up on even trying to have an orgasm, that tells me that sex is nothing more than a chore for her. I’ve told her that, but she says that providing an orgasm for me is satisfying to her. I appreciate that, but it hurts me to the core of my being that she does not selfishly desire sex for the pleasure it could bring to her. I so long for her to truly WANT sex instead of simply tolerate it because she knows I enjoy it.
  • Feel as if she sacrifices her own pleasure for mine and must have sex for my pleasure.
  • She has had only one orgasm in her life (very early on in our relationship pre-marriage). She refuses to even try and has made comments that she is “broken” in that department. Her defeated attitude is very discouraging to me.
  • Maybe I’m doing something wrong.
  • Frustrated because I think this should be the normal outcome.
  • Like I’m not satisfying her needs.
  • I feel I can’t satisfy her, so she’s not satisfied with me.
  • I become less aroused.
  • Disappointed. Like I’m using her as a masturbatory toy in a way.
  • It’s usually the fact that she knows I want/need sex but she doesn’t so she basically says “just do it”, which I don’t want… I want love making.
  • I feel she is not attracted to me or not enjoying sex.
  • She says it’s still good for her, but I’d like to get her there.
  • It’s not as fun, and I usually feel guilty, like I’m inconveniencing her.
  • I’m concerned that the sex is only out of wifely duty instead of wanting me.
  • I feel like I am letting her down somehow and I feel like I am missing out on something as well. Odd but I feel deprived.
  • I feel selfish for continuing. But she wants to be giving towards me and wants me to climax.
  • I feel disconnected, and dissatisfied.
  • I think it sometimes is a matter of it taking too long in her mind. If she is okay with it I am okay with it.
  • She NEVER wants to, so I have grown numb.
  • I feel unwanted.
  • I see it as a “nice” way to explain that I’m not likely to be good enough.
  • Makes me not want to have sex.
  • She never wants to try and won’t let me stimulate her at all which makes me sad.
  • I think she doesn’t realize how much pleasure I get from her orgasm.
  • I wonder why she does not want to make love with me, and if she just wants to get it over.
  • Makes me feel like sex is a chore for her and she just wants to get it over with.
  • Feels like I forced her to have sex.
  • She must be in a hurry.
  • If I was more skilled she would want it more.
  • I still question my ability to please her.
  • I feel like I failed in foreplay to bring her to the point where she can climax. I feel like I was selfish and shorted her on her sexual experience
  • Her choosing not to orgasm, makes it OK for her not to work on having a great sex life.
  • My wife’s orgasms are important to me. I understand that it has to do with feelings of esteem and sexual potency. I also understand that men receive pleasure by giving pleasure. I am pleased when I believe my wife is pleased sexually.
  • I wish she would at least try.
  • I would do anything and spend any amount of time to bring your great pleasure. Sometimes she just isn’t there.
  • I get a lot of “duty sex”. So it’s not surprising she doesn’t regularly orgasm. When she is aroused it doesn’t take too much
  • She has spectacular orgasms most of the time w/o much effort so it is hard to understand why she wouldn’t want to.
  • I like it more after I please her. It’s the best foreplay for me.
  • I wish I knew earlier that it was somewhat natural for her not to want to orgasm. I chased after it and she began to resent it. She still doesn’t believe that it’s generally ok with me and that I understand. Still, I think that it would be good if she considered it a little more (see I still don’t get it). Once a month is about what she can handle.
  • She NEVER wants an orgasm, and REFUSES anything except PIV to even try.
  • Not every time, but should be usually… rather than rarely. Is it sexual laziness?
  • I used to take it personally. I did not understand when she said she enjoyed being close without it. We are better now – since I stopped pressuring her, she’s freer to climax. Sometimes she even helps herself.
  • If sex is “just for me” I would tend to prefer she pleases me orally or manually instead… for some reason I don’t like full intercourse as much when we’re not trying to get her there as well. I’d
  • My goal is for her to orgasm every time.
  • The point of lovemaking is the satisfaction of both partners, and satisfaction is relative. It is a joint affair, and particular needs or wants can and often do change as lovemaking progresses. So if one partners satisfaction means that he or she does not orgasm in a particular encounter, I see no trouble with it, as long as both parties understand what that means and why…
  • Sometimes she has multiple orgasms and she says she is ” way ahead of me if we were keeping score, so its ok if she doesn’t every time. (her words, not mine)
  • She has told me outright that there are times she wants to bless me and concentrate on me because I am the higher drive spouse. I’m ok with that now.
  • At our age, she always climaxes. When we were younger, she couldn’t make it sometimes, and I was OK with trying again some other night. These days, it is more likely me that cannot make it due to medications.
  • My wife thinks sex is dirty. she thinks i am a crazed animal. she believes as long as she lays there and lets me “do her” then I should be happy.
  • It was my ego that made me want her to climax every time. It made ME feel better for her to have one.
  • It makes it feel like a release instead of making love.
  • I would rather that she climax almost every time because it would mean that she was having as much fun as I am.
  • I know that her desires are different to mine and I accept that. I dont necessarily understand but I dont have to. She also knows that if she asks I am always willing to get her over anyway she likes or she can get herself over during sex if she wants to.
  • If she’d orgasm every time she’d want to have more sex.
  • She enjoys our time together, but doesn’t need to orgasm every 72 hours like I do.
  • It used to bother me, but she has since explained pretty well why she doesn’t sometimes.
  • My wife never has and is fearful of it. I wish she would overcome her fear and experience pleasure that God intended for us to share in.
  • Giving my wife an orgasm is more pleasing to me than my own.
  • Although I am trying to change the thought I have always felt that a climax indicated that the sex was good. When she doesn’t climax or doesn’t want to climax it makes me feel like a failure as a lover. I want her to climax so she can get as much enjoyment from sex as I do.

Women’s Comments:

  • Sex is great! I don’t have to orgasm to enjoy myself!!!
  • I can initiate and enjoy the intimacy even though I know I may not climax.
  • He likes me to each time. I don’t feel it is necessary each time.
  • If a woman wants to climax-great! If she doesn’t-for whatever reason- she should not feel forced.
  • I don’t feel it’s necessary. Sex to me is about the emotional, physical and spiritual connection and I can have that without an orgasm. Orgasms are extremely nice but is not the goal for me.
  • Of course, a woman wants to climax every time, but it can’t always happen. Pushing for that causes more stress than it’s worth, when having sex can feel great without that elusive climax. It’s more difficult to climax when a man pushes you for it, plus it takes away from the enjoyment of the act. As long as I climax sometime, I’m happy.
  • Orgasm seems to be very important to him. Can’t understand that I can enjoy myself even if I don’t orgasm.
  • He doesn’t intentionally make me feel pressured, but often his wish that I would climax creates a feeling of pressure which immediately reduces the likelihood that it will happen. Performance anxiety,
  • If the wife expects to have an orgasm every time she would never get the chance to give a gift of pleasure to her husband. Is it required for the husband to climax every time? Can a husband initiate sexual pleasure for his wife simply because she desires stimulation?
  • My husband says he gets more pleasure out of bringing me to orgasm than when he climaxes himself.
  • Multiple orgasms every time, please!
  • Sexual intimacy isn’t just about orgasm…it’s more about a multi-level connection with the one you love.
  • I love sex and pretty much any sexual or physical contact with my husband. I love seeing him naked and love that I really desire him so very much even after many years of marriage. I understand the work & time it takes for me to climax and that sometimes that won’t work.
  • Wanting to orgasm and not being able to is way worse.
  • I don’t feel like the wife HAS to climax every time. Sometimes for me I couldn’t.
  • In the past when I had sex because I had to, I wanted to just lay there and get it over with. I became angrier when he tried to push me to enjoy it. I thought he was being selfish by pushing me to enjoy it just so he’d feel justified in using me for his own pleasure. I didn’t see myself as the selfish one until just over a year ago. Now I understand wanting to being pleasure to your spouse. I was so messed up before.
  • I wish I COULD every time, but it’s really hard to achieve and I don’t know why, it wasn’t hard to come when I was younger, now I am 56, and I rarely come now.
  • I feel guilty for having my husband put so much time and effort into my pleasure, when it is so easy for me to please him. He will sometimes get frustrated that I’m more ‘difficult’ to please than he is.
  • I always want the option to climax, though it’s not always easy or possible for me to and I don’t need it to enjoy sex.
  • My husband enjoys sex more if we both reach climax. He doesn’t feel like he’s “done his job” if I don’t climax.
  • I believe it’s easier to forgo orgasm from time to time when the wife regularly climaxes. It’s like passing up a meal now and again, and even if you’re a little hungry, it’s no big deal because you know you’ll eat again really soon and it will be a delicious dish.
  • Thankful that my husband is understanding that I don’t need to climax each time. But i still freely give myself to him and enjoy being intimate with him. It’s still nice to have the affection.
  • I often feel emotional (because of troubles with friends, kids, life) or my mind is rushing with stressful thoughts and worries. On some days it can be hard for me to let go of stuff to focus on my own sexual feelings. I can force it but the O is usually not worth the effort.
  • Due to our sex life being all about what my husband wants and needs, sex is very unfulfilling. I read all the time about how brings spouses together. Our sex life drives a wedge between us in my heart. Sex feels like a violation, it does not feel like love.
  • I don’t think that it’s a lack of wanting to sometimes it’s just the need to sleep takes priority over the need for an orgasm. There are times when it’s okay to be there and be intimate without a goal of orgasm
  • No. I figure the actual number of orgasms evens out. I don’t orgasm every time, but when I go for it, I have multiple (amazing) orgasms and he only gets to have one at time. Lol
  • Depending on so many factors my body just does not always cooperate with what I want it to so no I do not think a wife has to climax every single time. I wish I did but having that expectation messes up a beautiful experience between my husband & I if for some reason it isn’t happening.
  • My husband and I enjoy a great physical relationship as we are each concerned for our spouse’s pleasure without regard for our own and so we can focus on each other without pressure.
  • I’m sure I wouldn’t have answered the same in my 20’s. I am much more sexually relaxed and confident now, understand my arousal pattern, stimulation and climax is different as a woman and designed to be that way-different not better or worse, understand that intercourse alone is probably not going to do it for me, more willing to allow myself to be a person who enjoys sex and takes pleasure in it, more willing to experiment and ask for what I want, more accepting and confident in my beautiful body, more willing to initiate and be playful-yes I expect and want to orgasm every time. The double standards of our society affected me more as a younger woman. Sadly then I didn’t enjoy sex as much, didn’t expect as much and often my goal was to just have my husband orgasm so we could be done. Happily those days are far behind!
  • Though I don’t think the wife has to orgasm every time you have sex to have a satisfying experience, the husband ought to seek to pleasure her and satisfy her first before himself.
  • He makes sure I am always first unless I say go ahead it’s not going to work this time… I want him to come to ME for what he needs when he needs it and if I can give it I am happy to and vise versa.
  • My husband says the best part of sex is hearing me when he pleasures me. Before I understood that, I was resentful because he wanted me to have multiple orgasms every time. I felt pressured to perform. We understand each other better now, after years of arguing over this and other relationship issues.
  • He doesn’t seem to understand how I ‘work’ and moves to fast. Sometimes I feel like I have to ‘catch up’ and then it is difficult to climax. On the flip side, I don’t know how to explain to him what I need.
  • It was initially really hard to him to wrap his mind around the idea that I could actually enjoy sex without climaxing, but I truly can! I don’t think every woman needs to orgasm every time. And having that pressure placed on the wife probably makes it more difficult to in the first place. There are different aspects of bonding with my husband that I only experience when I don’t climax. For example, focusing on how sweet it is to watch him enjoy me, or meditating on how grateful I am for my husband. The way I’m thinking during sex can be a huge part of bonding with him, and thinking with such depth and clarity is a little, um, challenging when I’m having an intense physical experience.
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