We sometimes receive questions about how important sex is in marriage - or even if it's important. It seems some in the church have downplayed the importance of sex in marriage. Does the Bible address this? Yes! The idea that sex is not important to marriage is the very thing that the Apostle Paul is strongly arguing against in the first part of 1 Corinthians 7. Here we offer a line-by-line examination of this important passage. Scripture is in red, our comments are in black.

1 Corinthians 7:1 - 7 NKJV

1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me ..

The Apostle is responding to questions they had written. Based on what Paul says, it is probable that he was answering questions that were influenced by Gnosticism. Christians influenced by these beliefs were questioning whether they should deny their body (and not have sexual relations) so as to become more spiritual.
Paul spent a good deal of time battling Gnosticism, as it was a huge source of heresy in the early church. Being of Greek origin, Gnosticism was especially prevalent in the gentile church.

.. It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

Literally this would be translated - it is ethically right and noble for a man not to lay hold of, have intercourse with a woman. Paul is talking about being celibate outside of marriage.

2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

Paul tells us (see verse 7) that celibacy is a gift that allows a person to better serve the Lord - he also tells us it's the exception, not the norm. For those not so gifted, marriage is necessary to avoid sexual sin. This idea, that we are commanded to marry to avoid sexual sin, is not popular with today's Christians, but Paul is not ambiguous about this point.

3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

In the Greek, Paul is saying that we are each owed sex by our spouse (literally a debt that is owed). It's not a favor or an option, it's required by the marriage covenant. Also, sex is not something we earn, our right to it is positional; just being a spouse requires us to meet the sexual needs of the one we are married to.

4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.

The Greek here is interesting, and not easily explained in English. The idea is of two things which are true, but one is "more true" or of more importance. For example, I love my wife and I love God - both are true, but the second is more important. Jesus used a similar construction in Lu. 14:26; He was not really telling us to hate our "father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters," rather He was saying we need to love Him so much that by comparison, we hate all others. So, in the Greek Paul is saying that the wife does have some authority over her sexuality, but her husband has so much more authority that in comparison she has no authority. Yes, her body is to give her sexual pleasure, but it's also important for her body to give him sexual pleasure.

And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

This is the same thing, with the spouses reversed. Given that God recognizes a gender difference in virtually everything else about men and women (especially husbands and wives), Paul is making a major point when he says there's no gender difference when it comes tosex in marriage. Men are as required and as responsible to meet the needs of their wives as women are to their husbands. This truth is very opposite the "sex is for men" thinking that is still prevalent among some.
By the way, when you consider that a woman can't really enjoy sex if other areas of the marriage are not in good working order, this verse has very far-reaching effects. A man who does not meet his wife's need for emotional intimacy cannot fulfill his obligation to her sexually. This very clearly makes such an omission a sin, not a "personality difference." A physically and emotionally healthy woman who is having all her non-sexual intimate needs met is going to be ready and able to enjoy sex any time hubby wants it, and probably more.


5 Do not deprive one another ...

Literally this means "do not rob, defraud, or deprive." In the Greek, the concept is that you are stealing from someone that which belongs to them. Saying no is not a case of refusing to give what it ours, it is taking from our spouse what God says is theirs.

... except with consent ...

Another translation could be "by agreement." There can be no abstinence unless both husband and wife agree to it.

... for a time ...

The Greek indicates a predefined time. No open-ended abstinence, the duration must be agreed to ahead of time.

... that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer ...

Many versions read only prayer, but the Greek has two distinct words which clearly mean fasting and prayer. This suggests that God considers abstaining from sex as more severe, and a greater sacrifice, than abstaining from food. (If this is the case, a lot of us have our priorities reversed from God's!) In addition, the requirement that fasting accompany sexual abstinence limits how long we can do it.
Based on this passage, Paul seems to be giving only one reason for sexual abstinence in marriage.
Of course taking such a strong stand results in someone saying "What if one person is sick?" This is not refusing, it's being unable. On the other hand, being unable because of something you choose to do (work too much, sleep too little, give too much time to others), is not acceptable. If we are married, sex is a top priority, and we are expected to say no to things which will significantly interfere with our ability to give ourself sexually. Clearly there are some higher priorities, like feeding your family, or making the money to feed them, and there are occasions where such priorities will interfere with a couple's sex life. However, a couple needs to work to change the situation as fast as reasonably possible.

... and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

The Greek word translated as "lack of self-control" here literally means "incontinence." The Apostle seems to be saying that those who are designed to be married have not been given the self control needed to go without sex and continue to avoid giving in to sexual sin. A similar statement occurs in 1 Tim. 5:11-12 where Paul says that younger widows (those under 60!) will "feel sensual desires" that are so strong they will set aside a pledge of celibacy to remarry.

6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.

We've heard it suggested that the "this" mentioned here is referring back to verse 2. Contextually, however, it seems more likely that the "this" that Paul is referring to "as a concession" is the allowance to abstain (under strict limitations) in order to focus on prayer and fasting. This makes sense if we consider that the Gnostics (or at least one of the two sides of Gnosticism) believed that the way to Salvation was to deny the body and search for the "secret knowledge" that came from some spiritual source. These folks taught that even married couples shouldn't have sex, as this would better allow them to learn the secret knowledge.
Paul very forcefully countered that wrong teaching, and no doubt this was not the first time he had done so. It seems the Corinthians had written to Paul asking if they could abstain within marriage for "spiritual gain." Since there is some limited precedence for this in the Old Testament (for very important situations), it's hard to say "absolutely not." On the other hand, Paul did not want to give the Gnostics fuel for their false teachings. So, after setting some stringent restrictions on abstinence in marriage, Paul also makes it clear that he was not commanding couples to do this, but rather was making an "allowance" or "indulgence" for those who might feel they should occasionally abstain for thisone reason.

7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself.

Paul is talking about his ability to be single and not succumb to sexual temptation.

But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

This is where Paul indicates that celibacy is a gift, something given to some by God for His glory and His service. God gives the gift, so either you have it or you don't - and you can't pray it into existence, as Paul shows in 1 Tim. 5:11-12.

For a look at how we can live out 1 Cor. 7, see the sexual stewardship article.




Scripture taken from the New King James Version.
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